Public vs Private


I’ve been trying to work out why I haven’t wanted to write a post since I brought Rose home and I think it has something to do with living all those months with no privacy and then finding myself with an abundance of it. I’ve become introverted. I think also that at home my energies are diverted to other things where at hospital I’m able to focus on caring for Rose. It’s simpler, less muddled with every day life. It’s been a tough time at home but ultimately we are all happier. We have become a proper family at last!

The reason for this post is to bring you up to speed on Rose. We are back in hospital. Eerily we are in the same room we were in for most of Rose’s stay in Kids. The difference being it is now the infectious ward and there’s no one else in our (6 bed) room. We are missing our friends but so much happier knowing they are healthy and out in the world, coincidentally they are having their first catch up since discharge today. I was looking forward to seeing how much they’ve all grown.

Rose looking well in one of Gran's creations

Rose looking well in one of Gran’s creations

Rose has a mild cold. When I took her to emergency on Tuesday morning she was tachycardic (up to 223 bpm) and febrile (39.5) and her respiratory rate was up (78), she had a rash on her chest and a wet cough, she was admitted.

I can’t describe to you how tired I am. Tired and so stupid and a bit desperate with it. I regularly fantasise about walking out of my life like a character in an Anne Tyler novel and crawling into a secret bed somewhere and sleeping my life away. There is, however, so much joy in caring for Rose. She’s carved a huge niche for herself in our family. As James said last night when we had a family hug sans Rose:

The other half of our family is missing.

Rose in Emergency on Tuesday morning

Rose in Emergency on Tuesday morning

Overnight Rose was settled with normal temp, heart and respiratory rates. The wonders of regular Panadol!! I slept and am a new mother (panic much?!).  We we’ve been given the okay to go home.

Rose had an outpatients appointment with the Eye Clinic today that we managed to change to an INpatients appointment. She has a pronounced squint which basically means she’s cross-eyed – long sighted in one eye… I think. She needs glasses and maybe an operation but they’re happy to wait and see how much the glasses help first.  The Eye Clinic feels like familiar territory and I don’t feel too worried about this aspect of her treatment. It helps having known another little girl who had challenges with her eyes from birth and overcame them beautifully.  Rose’s ophthalmologist is Dr Kimberley Tan.



About RoseEir

Premmie born @ 30 weeks with Cervical Teratoma
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4 Responses to Public vs Private

  1. Kate says:

    Hi Jane, by accident I was looking at the blog again and came across this new post. It has been nice to not have any news worthy info to share since she came home. I can only imagine how all consuming it has been. My love and healthy healing thoughts to Rose and you. I will be home soon so will see you guys in person. Mia is so looking forward to meeting all her nephews and Necies (but esp Rose) xxxx

  2. Emma says:

    I don’t remember how I came across your blog (did you link to it on FB?) but having just read this post I just had to comment to say how wonderful it is to see Rose as herself outside the hospital – and how much she has grown as well as how gorgeous she looks. I hope things are going well with you now (how horrible to have re-entered hospital recently) – despite the bad news, I got a really heartwarming feeling from reading this. I think it also comes from our description of feeling like a family 🙂 she’s a treasure. If you’re into reading other blogs do let me know as I keep one about jack- just need a log in for google. Anyway – if I don’t see you before, have a lovely Christmas and new year.

  3. Emma says:

    * your description, not our description

  4. Phil says:

    Hi Jane, Hope things are better and that you have maybe now returned home? (Fingers crossed). I have said this before but the picture of Rose with your Mum is priceless, there is such warmth and life in that big smile of hers. Wonderful to see.
    I hope it will not be too long before all our extended family can somehow unite and meet some for the first time!
    We all have our fingers crossed in Canada that you can spend Christmas at home together and enjoy the 1st with Rose. Lots of love from us all. Phil xx

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