Real World

Andrew gave me a night off last night and I spent some time with the boys. It was good to see them though I’m definitely way out of practise!

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It’s pretty difficult coming back to Rose’s world after a day in the sun with two healthy, cheeky, naughty, motherless boys but overall it’s better to be here.

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One of the challenging things about having a baby in hospital is watching them develop in such an unnatural environment. I desperately look for signs she’s developing normally but when she does display them I grieve that she’s that little bit older and still we are here. I grieve for the normal babyhood she’s missed out on. I’ve missed out on.

The other way to look at it of course is through the doctors eyes. The look on their faces of reassurance and knowingness when Rose smiles at them gives her smiles an added gravity that the smiles of the boys did not have. I took for granted that they had little working brains in there but Rose has all sorts of question marks and uncertainties that can only be answered by her behaviour.

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Peter Pan

About RoseEir

Premmie born @ 30 weeks with Cervical Teratoma
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4 Responses to Real World

  1. She’s so gorgeous, such a lovely smile and very alert! When I have all this editing done and sent off at the end of this week, I’d love to pop over for a visit!

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  2. Fi says:

    2 beautiful girls!
    And 2 very cheeky looking lads above 🙂
    Bet it was nice to be out in the sun for a while. Xx

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  3. Jane W says:

    Brilliant photos! The one of the boys is gold… looking so boy-ish and cheeky, just as you said! Lovely to see a photo of you and Rose looking so content together too, beautiful smiles! Sounds like it’s a world of contrasts, ups and downs at the moment… Fingers crossed that the path to getting Rose out into that sunshine and fresh air is as smooth as possible. Sending hugs xx

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  4. ursula garratt says:

    You are a beautiful mother and amazing person. Loved the photos with their contrasting parts of your life Jane. And especially the one of you and Rose with such a connection – it said it all.
    Think of you constantly. Much love. Ursula

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