Andrew gave me a night off last night and I spent some time with the boys. It was good to see them though I’m definitely way out of practise!
One of the challenging things about having a baby in hospital is watching them develop in such an unnatural environment. I desperately look for signs she’s developing normally but when she does display them I grieve that she’s that little bit older and still we are here. I grieve for the normal babyhood she’s missed out on. I’ve missed out on.
The other way to look at it of course is through the doctors eyes. The look on their faces of reassurance and knowingness when Rose smiles at them gives her smiles an added gravity that the smiles of the boys did not have. I took for granted that they had little working brains in there but Rose has all sorts of question marks and uncertainties that can only be answered by her behaviour.