I’ve just walked Rose to the Operating Suite. I so hate the potential risks conversations I need to have with anesthetics and ENT but it’s done and I’ve consented.
Joanna Walton came around with a big smile on her face to talk me through the LBO. For her it must be even more miraculous that Rose has come so far as she hasn’t seen her for weeks. It is sometimes comforting to see her through other people’s eyes.
This is by far the most difficult goodbye I’ve had with Rose. It becomes more and more difficult the more mine she becomes. Can’t imagine how parents of older kids cope. It’s like the terror you feel when you misplace them!
Wish for miracles now, our people, and keep her breathing so she doesn’t come back intubated.
Rose has come back intubated unfortunately. I’ve been sitting in the milking room giving myself a pep talk about how far Rose has come and how she will only be intubated a couple of days and the news is good but it does hurt my heart to see her back in an enclosed crib on ventilation with morphine to stop her fighting the tube and steroids to reduce swelling. She’s so removed from me again.
Good news is that Joanna says she’s happy for me to breastfeed!! She also thinks vocal nerves are probably in tact. She’ll look to do another LBO in about 3 months.
During the procedure Rose stopped breathing quite a number of times. She had an extremely sensitive airway. Her muscles kept contracting but Joanna eventually got a look. Her lower airway looks perfect and there is no narrowing. Sounds like a tracheostomy is not looming anywhere in her future. Huge relief!!
If I had my time again I would like to have skipped this LBO. it hurt Rose a lot and recovery took a long time. I think it may have contributed to our failure to breastfeed.